How to be Confident

Today I want to talk about confidence- how to build it, how to have it, and what it means to each of us. I was inspired to do this blog from a gift that I got: "The Little Book of Confidence" This book is filled with great quotes and advice that I will be sharing in this blog.

Confidence is something that while it isn't tangible you can still see it. You see it in the way a person talks, the way they dress, the way they carry themselves. I also believe that confidence is something that each and every one of us has a different relationship with and just like any other relationship this one has its ups and downs and has to be constantly worked on. So for this blog I wanted to reach out and know how about other people's relationship with confidence. I think the combination of using my experiences, the experiences of others, and the advice from the book would create a well-rounded conversation about confidence. I hope you enjoy reading the advice from others and from this amazing book!

How would you describe Self-Confidence?

Here's what everyone had to say:

"Self confidence is just you being overall comfortable in the skin that you are in"

"Being 100% sure of yourself and your decision. Loving yourself completely."

"A positive way of looking at yourself"

"To-me, self confidence is about acceptance of self"

"Not caring about anyone else's opinions on you and have love and pride in oneself"

"Being secure in your personal decision and proud of your progress."

"Believing in yourself despite the risk of failure!"

I really love these definitions of self-confidence and all of them are 100% correct! I think that they show that self-confidence really contains a lot of different factors and parts. To me I think of self-confidence as being completely sure in the person that you are.

Self-confidence can look different for each person-start off by writing your own definition for it.

Something that I love to do is have a book for quotes where I write down quotes that really speak to me, you can try to get a journal like that too and include your own quotes!

Here's how the book defined self-confidence:

"Self-confidence is an inner belief that you are a powerful, capable, and unique human being. This type of confidence exists when you truly know yourself and are aware of your needs, values, and abilities."

I really love this definition. I love how it describes it as a belief and how it it's really truly something that only you can do for yourself. I think that based on this definition the first steps to self confidence is to get to know yourself, know what makes you special, what are your flaws, and accepting all of that.

Building Blocks of Confidence:

Be curious

Be spontaneous

Be brave

Take risks

Go on adventures

Forget your inhibitions

Believe in yourself

Trust yourself

Love yourself

Remember it's now or never

If someone wanted to gain confidence what advice would you give them?

"Write a list of positive things you like about yourself."

"Stop comparing yourself to others and those you see on social media."

"Start to be grateful for who you are/what you have."

"Every morning look in the mirror and compliment yourself in some way."

"You won't discover it from external sites. Try to build it by believing in YOUR own qualities."

"Do what you like- Treat yourself!"

I love these pieces of advice! I think that gaining confidence is a process of little steps. You can do one of these steps every day and continue to work on them.

Here are some more exercises that you can try:

Raise your head up

Straighten your back

Gently push your shoulders back

Take up more space with your pose

Have you ever struggled with self-confidence?

I asked my followers on instagram this simple question..."have you ever struggled with self-confidence and the results from the poll were:

100% Yes

The truth is that many- if not all- of us struggle with self-confidence from time to time. So if you're ever feeling unsure of yourself know that you are not alone. We also need to learn to support each other- don't put other people down to make yourself feel better because they are working on their confidence just like you!

Self-confidence is something that goes up and down, we all have our good days and our bad days. I think what's important is finding good exercises to do on the bad days to help you build that confidence back.

What do you do when you're not feeling confident?

"Look for inspirational quotes I can relate too"

"Drink coffee. Haha it always gives me a little boost to take on the day!"

"I tell myself all the things I have to be proud of myself"

"I try not to focus on whats bothering me, but rather on what I like about myself"

"Remind myself of my positive qualities- try to think about my inner motivations for my goals"

Again, this is great advice! I love the one about coffee- I totally relate! When I have an important meeting or a big test I love starting my day off with my favorite drink from Starbucks and it really does give me a boost. I also love using inspirational quotes, they really motivate me.

Find what works for you- what gives you an extra boost of confidence when you need it?

I think vocally saying positive things to yourself is a great tip as well. Stay positive is so important! I think if you're in a position when you're not feeling confident try to find out why you're feeling this way, then turn the situation around into something positive!

Here's a tip from the book:

"Confidence is demonstrated through physical expression. Our nonverbal communication not only governs how others think of us but also how we feel about ourselves. Striking a positive pose conveys to other people our self-confidence, positive demeanor, and trustworthiness."

Body Confidence

Is there a difference between self-confidence and body-confidence?

I wanted to have body-confidence as a separate part of this blog because I think there is a difference between them. I think I've always been pretty confident in myself however I have struggled with body-confidence and I believe that other people can relate. I think that nowadays there is so much influence onto peoples lives and these can have negative impacts on how people think about themselves. I asked my followers the following question:

Do you think today's media affects people's body-confidence?

The answers were unanimous: HELL YES!

One person went more in debt speaking about their insecurities with their skinny body which I totally related to. We are living in the age of the Kim Kardashian body- the big butts, big boobs, small waist body and while this body is beautiful it should not be the only body deemed as attractive from society. It's in our music, in our magazines, on TV, and on Instagram.

She wrote "It's really hard to cope with something like that being shoved down your throat. When it doesn't even matter what your size is...who cares? Unless your weight is affecting your health then opinions should be every body is beautiful"

And I completely agree! Now we might not be able to change society over night but we can do things to lessen the influence of the media.

I think we can start to support brands who show REAL WOMEN. Untouched women. Real bodies. One brand that does this is Aerie:

Another thing we can do is just accept each other's bodies without forcing one body type onto each other. I want to say that if someone does choose to have plastic surgery and change their body they should not be put down for that. I think that a choice like that is very personal AND it actually requires someone to be confident in themselves, to know their needs, their wants, and that they made this decision for themselves. We should not bash ANY body type I believe everyone should be accepted.

I really like the quote I placed above: "beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself" because it's so true, beauty is such a personal thing.

I think one thing you can do to build your body confidence is to tell yourself you're beautiful. Say it out-loud everyday. And know that you are beautiful because you are you and there is only one you and only one beauty like you in this world.

What advice would you give to someone struggling with body-confidence?

Unfollow all pages that make you feel less. Follow more confident people with the same body

Surround yourself around positive/loving people and try to see yourself the way they see you

Remember Psalms 13 9:14 "I praise you because I am wonderfully and fearfully made"

There's no one like you. And beauty is subjective. Cherish your uniqueness.

Body confidence exercise:

Whenever you start to feel negative or self-conscious of the way you look, repeat this mantra:

"I am grateful, proud, and above all confident of my body."

Facing our Insecurities and Dealing with Failures

I think that dealing with failures and disappointments can really put a dent into our confidence and so I think it's important to know how to deal with them. I thought this quote was really important because we can learn a lot from our defeats and I think that coming out of dark moments actually builds our confidence more.

It's not about how you fell it's about how you get back up!

How can we improve the way we face our insecurities?

The book says that when we are faced with a situation that heightens our insecurities practice these exercises:

Stand firmly on the floor, keep your feet grounded on the floor, allow your shoulders to drop and push them back, pull an imaginary string up from the top of your head which will lengthen your neck and pull your head and chin up.

I think it's amazing how the way we are physically can affect us mentally. Next time you're in a difficult situation think positively about what you can take away from it and how it can help you grow as a person and grow your confidence in your ability to overcome. And next time you're faced with insecurities try this power pose!

I really hope that you all have enjoyed all the advice from other people and from this book, I wanted to end this blog with a few more tips for building confidence that I found were interesting:

Motivational exercise:

Choose a motivation picture or quote that empowers you. Make it your laptop screensaver, have it as your home screen on your phone, anywhere where you can easily see it and feel inspired throughout the day.

Know your USP :

AKA your Unique Selling Point. This is something about you that only you can bring to the table. Find out what yours is and feel proud of it!

Meeting people:

A firm handshake, strong eye contact and a warm smile can go a long way to introducing yourself as a confident and self-assured person. It's important to maintain levels of eye contact during conversations.

I really suggest the book "The little book of Confidence" by Tiddy Rowan, it is filled with great quotes and tips and is the perfect size to throw in your purse and pick up when you need a boost of confidence. You can find it on Amazon for under $10.

Special thanks to those who answered the questions and shared your tips with others!

Hope you enjoyed the blog!

xoxo,

Kye

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